Amber Smith 00:00
I hate using the word closure because my relationship with my mom is ongoing. And I think it’s ever evolving. And there are aspects that I remember in chunks that I need to like rehash and re forgive her for. But there was an aspect in order for me to fully let go, I think of her earthly presence, and what happened this side of her life, I needed to connect with her spiritually and have sort of a closure conversation of like, hey, we have some unfinished business here that we need to talk about so that we can move forward.
Kristin Taylor 00:53
Hello, and welcome to how I made it through. My name is Kristen Taylor, and I’m an executive and life coach. I’m continually awed and inspired by those who have walked through challenge and adversity, only to come out the other side more self aware, and more deeply purposeful in their commitment to wisdom, love, and compassion. Our lives are short, but they are not without meaning. And I believe we are more alike than we are different. My hope is that this show through the sharing of ordinary people, moving through extraordinary circumstances, opens minds and hearts by interviewing those who have a lot to say about why we are here, and how to live more fully. I very rarely get clients through my website. Usually my clients consist of referrals or direct marketing. So when suddenly, over a year ago, I saw a request come through my website for discovery call, I immediately assumed incorrectly, that it was likely a fraud or someone soliciting me as has been the case before. What I didn’t expect was the bright, courageous and powerful woman who met me over zoom. Amber Smith has agreed to be a guest on my show, because she has a very important story to tell a story set in a specific time, place, circumstance and culture, where her unique depth, resilience and connection to spirit aligned to see her through what can only be described at the very least as difficult. Here’s a little about Amber professionally. She is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor with a supervisory designation in the state of Ohio. With almost 20 years of experience, she runs her own private practice and specializes in serving women, she has a passion for providing a space where women can safely express themselves and heal. And in so doing, discover their true passion and yes, their their souls purpose. My hope in introducing you to Amber is that you will learn through her how we all choose our distinct life paths, including all the players who make up that journey. My hope is that through her, you will see the opportunity to learn through those experiences and to find out who you truly are within that play as it were, as Amber is doing in such a deep and inspiring way. There is so much more to share. We will only touch the surface. And so as you listen, listen to the lessons revealed when someone has the wisdom and bravery to inquire inward to seek support, and ultimately find her way through as spirit and departed loved ones. guide her along the way. Welcome, Amber.
Amber Smith 03:36
Hello, that was so beautiful. Thank you.
Kristin Taylor 03:39
My pleasure. I loved writing that because I know you to the extent that I do. As I was saying, before we got started, I feel like it’s a really good place to start with you reaching out to an absolute stranger across the country. Yeah, bring us there.
Amber Smith 03:56
One day, I had been on a journey for oh, probably six months or so to try and find a therapist or a coach that I knew specifically what I was looking for. And I needed to find somebody that would allow me to share my story. And I knew that that really all I needed was to talk it through and to have somebody listen and validate and essentially tell me I wasn’t crazy. Because a lot of what I felt I went through as a child and as an adult leading up to two of my parents deaths was craziness. And I didn’t know there was no label to put on it. Was it abuse? Was it neglect was it. You know, was it normal, any of it but I knew it wasn’t normal. And so I just needed some place to share my story and for someone to listen. And so Google became my friend never found you.
Kristin Taylor 04:56
And so it was so interesting to me because again, I thought it was like what is it who was there I don’t even know sure who she is you could have chosen. And this is not just a way to prompt me. But I think there was something to me spiritual about the fact that our connection worked in the way that it did. Why didn’t you just choose a therapist in your area? Or or someone else was there anything else that you were aware of that was going on for you. So
Amber Smith 05:19
I knew, you know, I think, number one, I’m a therapist in my area. And so I didn’t want to work with somebody that knew me or that I could cross paths with. And also, I had tried working with a few therapists and I because I work in this world, and I have nothing against therapists, there are brilliant therapists out there. And I hope that I can classify myself as one one day. But I know that some of the limitations to therapists ethically, I needed, I needed to push those boundaries a little bit. And I don’t know, I just I felt like a coach would be a better fit just because it would open up so much broader of a search range for me, and what I especially what I was looking for specifically in that sort of narrative approach. That, you know, specific of a discipline was something that I knew the boundaries within Ohio may limit me. And so I just took to coaching, I know that there are state boundary laws that don’t allow therapists to practice state to state unless you’re licensed in that state as well. So I knew coaching was probably the way that I needed to go.
Kristin Taylor 06:33
Yeah, and I heard the word because
Amber Smith 06:36
narrative coach into a Google search and found you.
Kristin Taylor 06:40
Yeah, and I love that word was really what did it, that word is really what did the narrative part to be able to tell your story? So let’s start with your story. Share a little bit about wherever you want to start. There’s so much to it. I know. I know. And I can guide a little bit more it might might be helpful just to start with your relationship and your mom.
Amber Smith 06:58
I’m sure we’ll get into this eventually. But the one thing that Diane Richards my reading with her, she first said, I’m getting this like very wacky every which way you have a very complicated family. And I I definitely agree with her feelings there. Because it is it’s complicated. I grew up in a family. You know, my parents were divorced, by the time I was 18 months old. And so I went to live with my mom at that time, shortly after. Well, by the time I was three, she met my stepdad and had my sisters back to back 11 months apart. And so it went from me and my mom to me and a stepdad and two younger sisters in the span of about a year and a half. And then I remained my dad’s only my biological father’s only child. And it was just me and him when I was with him. And so two very different dynamics operating at the same time. And I was living that back and forth week to week. And so it just got complicated really fast for me. But it was normal to so and I think that that’s where that’s where I got confused was like, Is this normal? Is this not normal? Is this you know, but there was always a very clear understanding that it wasn’t normal.
Kristin Taylor 08:27
Well, I think what’s important for the audience to understand as well, number one, Diane Richards is the psychic medium. She is an episode few before this one more than a few. And that was something I encouraged her to do, when I understood that she was open to such a thing and what we’ll be getting there. But what also feels important is understanding who’s rural, rural, it was really hard for me to say, rural Ohio, and your parents were blue collar working very hard and had a history of trauma themselves.
Amber Smith 08:57
Yes, yes. All three of them in their own ways. My mom, specifically with more just emotional neglect being the youngest of five children herself, and two working parents who grew up in the depression and knew, you know, one way and that was hard work. And I think she was just kind of emotionally neglected. Because of that, not purposely, but that’s what happens to her. And then my stepdad grew up in a home with a very, very abusive, alcoholic father, who exposed him to lots of inappropriate sexual activity as well as you know, just physical abuse because of the alcoholism. And then my dad was the fifth of 10 children. And he also struggled with alcoholism, most of my childhood as well as drug abuse. All three of them had drug issues as well. And so that was kind of my life just growing up in the midst of my parents addictions and you know, they’re in None of them are healed from their traumatic past. And they’re trying to raise children up in that.
Kristin Taylor 10:06
Right, right. And then you’re the cycle breakers again, we will be getting to but if I may, one of the important it was when I this perhaps even the first session we had maybe the second, you said something about asking your mom, what do you see me doing with the rest of my life? And that was such a pivotal moment. Yeah. A little Yeah. Can you share a little bit about that I
Amber Smith 10:26
was 16 years old and on vacation are the only family solid family vacation that I can remember taking with my mom and my stepdad. And my two younger sisters. And I remember asking my mom where she saw me in 10 years, and she told me that she saw me working in a factory at some dead end job doing nothing with my life. And it’s it was very pivotal. It ignited a fire inside of me, like I at that point had never felt in my life to prove her completely and 100% Wrong.
Kristin Taylor 11:04
Amber Smith 11:06
I changed that comment changed the trajectory of my life for sure. Hmm.
Kristin Taylor 11:12
And I feel like that was a lot of the work we did was around that comment either consciously or unconsciously how much it was directing you? Yeah, yeah. So you wanted to tell your story, what part of your story that did you feel was not being seen or witnessed that felt really important?
Amber Smith 11:32
So I think the the best example, can I share the top of the stairs story,
Kristin Taylor 11:39
you can share with everything.
Amber Smith 11:41
I think that is the best perspective that I can give is that I’ve always either I was a young girl, probably 11 or 12. Maybe younger than that it was Christmas Eve. My mom for some reason decided she was not going to this would have been my step great grandmother’s house for for Christmas Eve with us. But so it was me and my stepdad and my two sisters. And we went and to give you a little bit of a side story. My stepdad was a very private person. But you never really could understand what he wanted to be kept private and what he didn’t mind you sharing. And so my 10 year old self shared something he didn’t want shared can’t even for the life of me remember what that was today. And after we are leaving, we get in the car and my stepdad just borates me all the way home, calling me names stupid. I’m stupider than a dog, things like that. Because I couldn’t figure out what it was that I said, I don’t think again, I can’t remember. So I want to say he didn’t he never shared what it was that I said, that offended him so much. But Christmas Eve when we got home from that gathering was always our little family tradition to open a family gift that evening. So that we as a family could spend some time together playing with that gift. And then we go to sleep and wake up and Santa Claus would come and would be our tradition. That evening, I got sent to my room, which was on the second floor of our house. And I wasn’t allowed to come down and do that with the family. And I kept I was crying hysterically because of all the comments that were made to me and obviously I ran upstairs and and was crying still. And I was sitting at the top of the stairs thinking they’re gonna, I mean, my mom’s gonna tell me to come down or my dad, you know, stepdads gonna, somebody’s gonna say something. You know, my sisters are going to ask, you know, can they ever come down or, and it just was nothing. And I kept expecting them to, you know, ask about me or somebody to fight for my presence in that room. To make matters worse, they were opening, I knew that they were opening a Super Nintendo system that night. And that is what I was, had been begging for. Four months prior to this, I knew that we were getting it. And they knew how important that was to me. And so while I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to my family, open this gift and then proceed to play it without me and laugh. And in that, you know, it just I think to answer your question, I’ve always felt like the girl at the top of the stairs that never really belonged and was never really 100% Welcome.
Kristin Taylor 14:38
Right. Right. And that Yeah, I mean, can’t you tell that story? My I feel like crying must have felt like as a kid. Yeah. That pattern. That roll shows up a lot in your life. And that was when we think of finding your way through. There were a lot of lessons of self that acceptance and self love and reclaiming who you are and
Amber Smith 15:04
belonging to myself learning how to belong to myself, I think was how I made it through. And that lesson probably didn’t come until I well, it didn’t come full circle, and I didn’t fully understand it until I started working with you and uncovering some of those things.
Kristin Taylor 15:20
Yeah, yeah, share a little bit more. And I mean, what an honor for me to, to even to be a part of you coming to realize that share a little bit more if you would have any dynamic between your sisters or your dad or anything that you want to share. And then I want to move into that lesson of what you started to unfold and learn about belonging to yourself and how spirit played a part in that and your understanding of your own soul’s blueprint,
Amber Smith 15:49
I think, some other dynamics to to share probably is I absolutely was a parental FIDE child in my family. Of course, I’m the oldest and I’m the oldest by four and a half and five and a half years with my two younger sisters or half sister sisters, obviously. But I always felt an impeccable responsibility to watch over them and care for them and make sure that they had their needs met. And I think some of that was, you know, early on was placed on me because my parents worked a lot. And I was always the one to kind of be the caretaker for them. But as some of it was, a lot of it was assumed as well. And I just kind of took on that mother hen sort of rule over them. I think the other dynamic at play here is that my mom and stepdad had a very tumultuous relationship, and they would often triangulate me into their relationship as well. So I would almost become like a surrogate spouse to both of them at certain times, like my mom would, you know, share intimate details of the relationship when she was upset with them with Mike, my stepdad. And then there were times, probably more so often, Mike would triangulate me and share inappropriate details of the marriage and what was going on and often Tell me lies about my mom. And I think that was really to separate me from her. He was very possessive of her would keep her from us a lot. And I think that I think you recognize the connection that my mom and I had, and he was not, he didn’t like it. And he wanted that connection for himself. And he did what he could to get in the way of that. And he was I mean, in this life, he was very successful at it. I would say yeah,
Kristin Taylor 17:44
yeah. But he wasn’t successful in you. Becoming small, and very, very sick. Right, right. And repeating dysfunction. Right. When I first met you, you said a couple of things that I’d love for you to share. One is that you’ve always had this sort of this, this depth of awareness and knowing that there was more to this, and also the Enneagram
Amber Smith 18:11
hmm, yeah, that’s my favorite topic. So I’ve always Yeah, you know, I’ve from a very young age, I remember hearing people talk about how I’m an old soul and there was just a level of maturity about me that I possessed at a very young age where, you know, my, my same age peers would be off pretending, playing I wasn’t, I was never into pretend play. Not that that is a bad thing. But I just, I was not I would rather sit at a table full of adults and have adult conversation and be out playing with baby dolls. And, you know, doing that kind of thing. I’m, I would definitely describe myself as an empath. So, you know, I just feel things on a deeper level, and especially other people’s pain. But I think there’s, there’s always been an awareness of
Kristin Taylor 19:05
that this isn’t the cycle
Amber Smith 19:07
that I was living in the family that I was in was not normal. And I think that I was a very, very young girl when I realized that I just, uh, you know, and it just, it was clear as day I just knew everything that was surrounding me was abnormal, but I shouldn’t have known that I shouldn’t you know, because it was happening so easily for my family. And, you know, everybody accepted it as normal as my family I should have known or should not have shown I should have known that anything was abnormal in my situation, but I did. And I think that that is kind of what set me apart from them from a really early age.
Kristin Taylor 19:53
Yeah, let’s pause there that feels so important because the lens through which we view things is really important. It would very, it would be very easy to pathologize while you are parented by child I mean, yes, they took some of these natural ways of who, constitutionally you were in this world and exploited them. And that you know, Empath with empathy, excuse me was like a response to trauma. Like there’s so many ways that this could be viewed in a pathological lens. Yeah. But I think it’s important to examine the lens through which we view things and to say, is this lead me towards possibility, hope and healing? Or does this keep me feeling broken? Both can coexist to really look at the places where there is a wounding, but it’s also from a soul a deeper spiritual level to say, yes, there, there was pathology and trauma in the family. And yes, I stepped into that role, and perhaps even signed up for that role. But also, the empathy and the awareness is the place where I thrive.
Amber Smith 21:00
Right, right. Absolutely. It will. And I think it, it was survival. You know, like, I recognize that this wasn’t what the kind of life that I wanted to live, but I also had to live it in some ways to survive that family, until I was old enough to make my own decisions and step out on my own and start setting boundaries and breaking the cycle for real, you know, like, I didn’t participate, there were lots of boundaries I set within my family, but there were some that I just couldn’t, because, you know, I had to survive. And so it was, it was more of a, just put on your resilience shield, and just let that stuff kind of, in some ways bounce off of you. Just recognizing that this isn’t what you want for your wife.
Kristin Taylor 21:50
Right? Which is leading nicely and segue nicely into, into the Enneagram. And understanding both the healthy versus the unhealthy and and you exploring Who am I in this world?
Amber Smith 22:03
Absolutely. Yeah, I, I actually was recommended to read about the Enneagram, with a previous therapist, and actually didn’t, I was like, whatever that stuff, you know, I didn’t do anything. Let’s see to see she suggested for quite some time was probably a good year after it was suggested to me that I actually picked up the first book and started to read on it. But essentially, it’s a personality tool that we can use just to understand more about what our what internally motivates us, and how that internal motivation then plays out in our behavior. And it really just allows you to look inward and develop self awareness on, I think, a deeper, more connective level than what you can without the knowledge of the Enneagram. And it took me a long time to realize, because I think because of my upbringing, and what was required of me so much of my life, I actually typed to myself, wrongly, the first time I looked at the Enneagram, because of that, but then once I stumbled on to my actual personality type, I think the doors of awareness just started to open more and more. And it started to make sense, like, oh, that’s why this is so important to me, or that’s so important. And it really helped to grow that connection within myself, like connecting to myself. Yeah,
Kristin Taylor 23:32
it’s such a pivotal step and use that word. Again, such an important step for you to start belonging to yourself is to start to own who you are, right as your way through. But it wasn’t quite complete, because I want you to share if you would, your Enneagram type, plus what I imagine you’ve shared so many times with me, I’ve just my own visual, perhaps you’ve even shown me a resume, you know, your sort of your wall of achievements as a way of differentiating and getting back the connective tissue getting back to your mom statement and ICU.
Amber Smith 24:00
Yeah, and I’m in Enneagram three, actually a self preservation Enneagram three, and I believe their title is the professional. So, you know, leading going back to the comment my mom made to me, you know, it lit this fire under me that I wasn’t I wasn’t ever going to work in a factory. I wasn’t ever going to work a quote unquote, dead end job. Because I was gonna prove to her wrong and Enneagram with an Enneagram. Three, there a lot about what we do is how much we’re worth. So our achievements, our accolades, our you know, to do lists, whatever we can accomplish is how much we’re worth. And that was reinforced through many, many different ways when I was a kid, but I think the most, the one that stands out the most is that conversation. Should I had with my mom, and then what led me through, you know, my bachelor’s degree at Ohio State and then on into graduate school and all the different certificates and you know, now I’m my business owner, and it just never stops with, you know, some of the achievement driven things I think I shared with you, I have a wall on my office with all of my licenses, it takes up an entire wall. And I look at that sometimes and realize that, though I’m, I’m, you know, where I want to be, for the most part, there’s some tweaks I would make to my career at this point, but I’m here. And I’m grateful for that. I sometimes look at that wall and wonder, What in the world was I doing? Because none of that was for me.
Kristin Taylor 25:50
What a powerful sentence. None of that was for me, it’s that outside and living the proving the proving, like, if I’m not going to be invited, I need to prove to you that I’m worthy, or that I’m not who you think I am. And it was so interesting. I remember one of the first things that occurred to me when you said that story when you share that story about your mom and what she said, I thought, Oh, that’s such a reflection of her rather than you. Right. But here you are chasing these accolades and proving becoming lovable, and their eyes wanting to belong. And then it started to shift. Can you share a little bit about what some of the things were, that started to shift you belonging to yourself?
Amber Smith 26:33
Um, you know, I think I think it really took as sad as this is, but I understand it now for what it was it took my mom dying, actually, for the, this, the curtain to come open. And for me to start to understand that I have nobody, you know, like, if if we look at this, from the surface level, my mom’s dead. I have nobody to live for. Now what? You know, and so it was a very pivotal moment in Okay, so what do I felt like, I had no direction. And, you know, I would imagine when we lose our moms, it does feel a little, like, we’re lost. And, but for me, it was like, I don’t, I don’t have anybody to prove to anymore. So now what, you know, and I so so I think that that was the first like, as she was passing in, then shortly after she passed, I was in this loss without directions sort of phase in my life. And it really kind of prompted me to start looking deeply at myself in my story and understanding and connecting to me on a deeper level. And I think it unfortunately, and you know, I think it was the last gift that my mom not the last gift she’s she keeps on giving. But one of the final farewells that she gave me as she parted
Kristin Taylor 28:05
unmooring right. Mother is just everything to anyone who has a mother if they’ve got any sort of bond. Yeah, but it’s also there was a and I don’t want this to sound perverse, but I feel like you said it beautifully. A liberation from habits that kept you in present.
Amber Smith 28:25
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I there was a sense of freedom that I could, I was free to explore, I was free to look into myself and get to know myself because I wasn’t, you know, having to be that person that my mom wanted me to be or prove to her something that that I could achieve. So that I was lovable.
Kristin Taylor 28:53
Yeah. So yeah. And when that when that happened, and you had more of that space? What did you start to discover about yourself and how did your relationship to her start to shift? Obviously, she’s gone but the relationship left on? And let’s start with how did your relationship to yourself start start to shift? I think
Amber Smith 29:15
I just I started to be able to give myself more grace and space to feel my feelings and because that was new to me as well. I was so focused on meeting the needs of meeting, you know, achieving the things that people wanted me to achieve or what I thought people wanted me to to achieve. I was so focused there that I could never really allow myself much feeling of any kind, but specifically grief. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. My mom was not the first and I don’t feel like until my mom died. I was ever really accepting of her grief in my life. So I think that that was the first thing is I was allowed to feel my feelings.
Kristin Taylor 30:06
Yeah. Yeah. A time. I don’t even know words like, underscore that. So completely. Yeah, yeah. And it’s interesting to me this idea of achieving to prove to others, but it also separated you from others? Absolutely.
Amber Smith 30:26
Yes. Yeah, it was, it was such a tough dynamic because on one hand, I think I very much felt like I was required to achieve those things. But it also, I remember, you know, I would come home for visits from college and get made fun of for being, quote unquote, books smart, too, or too educated, or, you know, he or she is thrown her big words around that kind of thing. And so it was I was, I was never, it felt like whatever I did, I could never fully be accepted for who I was, even though I wasn’t really that person, either. That was the person my mom wanted to be me to be. And so yeah, I felt like, regardless of what I did, how hard I tried what I achieved, it was never going to bring me any sense of belonging. Yeah.
Kristin Taylor 31:26
We talked a lot about the gift of indifference. And I have not forgotten, we’re gonna continue with your permission to go into how your relationship evolved, once your mother was on the other side. But before we go there, say more about the gift of indifference.
Amber Smith 31:43
Oh, the gift of indifference is truly a gift. That is for sure. Because once I learned how to how to achieve indifference, I felt that was when I fully liberated myself from, you know, the ties, I felt like a lot of the times they were ball and chains holding me down from going out into the world and fully spreading my wings as much as and it’s so funny, because I think my family would say, you know, she left and never came back. And and there would be, you know, I would, I have a sense that they would say that I in some ways, rejected and abandon them. And I always felt like they were the things that held me down from really finding who I was because I was constantly just trying to be who they wanted me to be. And so I think the learning in difference, it was helpful, because I could truly live into me and what I wanted for myself and setting goals for myself and achieving those things, instead of going after what goal my mom wanted me to achieve, or, you know, anyone, my sisters, my stepdad, my dad,
Kristin Taylor 33:02
yeah, living from the inside out, starting with your feelings and recognizing who you are, and what is the data that that guides what you’re drawn to, and what you’re listening to paying attention to your thoughts and your feelings and your beliefs. And all of that adaptation from your childhood, I will do what they need, because that will be my, my end to be accepted, even though oftentimes, they were really really mean to you. Yes, you know, and I made that sound like a giggle, I meant it as a holy shit, you know, really, really mean to you. And so your mother passes and one of the gifts as you start this relationship with her, with her being no longer incarnate, is the feeling your feelings to the grief. And she also started to show up because you are perceptive to signs and signals in communication with the other side. What were some of the things you started to observe? And notice,
Amber Smith 34:00
you know, just little I, you know, the first thing was a dream I had, where she just, we were at a family function, and she just, I could hear her laugh. And then, you know, I went searching for her. And she I found her and it was, but it was at a distance. And she just kind of looked over her shoulder and gave me a smile. And that was the first encounter I had with her after she passed. And then she would I spoke out loud to her one day and I told her I said, Mom, you know, I’m a little skeptical with this kind of stuff. And you’re gonna have to give me a sign that you’re, you’re gonna have to mess with the lights or something. And I set spoke this out loud. And a couple days later, I’m home alone, of course, because you know, now nobody believes me, but
Kristin Taylor 34:49
I believe you can send me a video I think.
Amber Smith 34:53
I think I did. Yeah, I’m home alone and I’m getting ready to go somewhere and I’m walking. We have a very long house and I’m walking from One into the house to the other. And as I’m reaching the kitchen and crossing into the living room, our ceiling fan lights, just start dancing, dancing and dancing and dancing. And I’m sitting there, I mean, just staring at it. And of course, smiling for a solid 30 seconds before they finally just fizzled and the the light bulbs blew out. And a couple of days later, I’m in the kitchen and the kitchen lights start dancing. And so we played the mess with the lights thing for a while. And then it moved more into you know, just yesterday, I was thinking about this podcast, and this is the very first podcast in an interview I’ve ever done. And so I’m a little nervous, you know, and I’m thinking about what I want to say. And my mom’s favorite song came on, as I’m thinking and it was pontoon by Little Big Town there Country Music Group. And I just all I could do was a picture of my mom on our boat in the, you know, in the lake and just laughing and you know, and so I knew that she was okay with what ever I said today about her just through that. Wow, for sure. Yes.
Kristin Taylor 36:11
Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s beautiful. So let’s move does it feel okay? Because I want to really honor what you want to share and what you don’t want to share. For context, you know, you and I had a lot of conversations about spirituality and your evolving sense of spirituality and you as a spiritual being and the openness to communicate with her and to have those and to inter recognize yourself feeling like there’s a wisdom and a connection that you bring that makes those things possible because you’re a metabolic and being an empath, of course. Right. Right. I had shared with you, I think I did, maybe you can help me with memory, just about my experience with di and Richards. Tell me what that was like to hear about bad and and just your journey with that.
Amber Smith 36:58
I was just I was, as soon as you started talking, I was so excited, because I knew that that was a piece that I was going to need in order to just finally, I don’t I hate using the word closure, because my relationship with my mom is ongoing. And I think it’s ever evolving. And there are aspects that I remember in chunks that I need to like rehash and re forgive her for. But there was an aspect in order for me to fully let go, I think of her earthly presence. And what happened this side of her life, I needed to connect with her spiritually and have sort of a closure conversation of like, Hey, wait, we have some unfinished business here that we need to talk about so that we can move forward. And that is really what you bringing Diane, to me did for me, I think,
Kristin Taylor 37:59
yeah. And if you are ready, I’m gonna just hand it to you to share what you experienced and what that was like,
Amber Smith 38:07
I actually just re listened to the recording, because I wanted to have it all fresh in my mind. And of course, they just reopened to so much. And every time you listen to it, you get more from it, because it’s like, oh, that’s what she meant, you know. And it was just immediately as soon as you know, Diane, she called the opening herself for business. When she opened herself for business, my mom was the first one there. And that in and of itself said a lot to me that she was like, first in line, nobody gets to talk to her before I do, you know, and, and that’s the kind of personality my mom had on on this side as well. And so that made sense. And the first thing that she said to me was, your mom wants you to know how proud she is of you for breaking the cycle. And it just it was so validating to hear that because I was I was made to not feel very proud of that. This side, you know, while she was alive and we actually our last really significant conversation was her kind of disowning me from the family because of apparently some post I posted on Facebook and that she wasn’t happy about and we never really got to talk about what that was before she became incapacitated and couldn’t really have much conversation. And so we got to talk about that. And we got to sort of understand each other’s perspectives on that and say I’m sorry, yes. And she kept you know as as the conversation went Diane progress she as as other loved ones came in to talk. She would put her way back in and say I’m sorry your mom just needs to know if you forgive her. And she’s just so proud of you and I’m She sits in your counseling sessions and learns about boundaries from you. And it was just so validating. And it was everything I needed to hear from her from her earthly side that she was finally able to give me. And that was so healing.
Kristin Taylor 40:18
So healing. Yeah, maybe healing is a better word than closure. Because fashion ship is ongoing. Yeah, absolutely. And and for those who perhaps are tuning into the show, for the first time, what we hear over and over again, from those who have had near death experiences, those who are psychic mediums, those who are mistaken have a lot to say about what happens in the afterlife. There really is just love consciousness, all the baggage of our egos and our stories. They’re they’re wiped clean through a life review, and some sort of healing process. So the person that we are here with all the baggage, and the blinders, and the lack of awareness, it’s like the blinders are removed, the healing happens, we come only from love, not from fear, not from resentment. So it’s messages of love.
Amber Smith 41:14
Yeah, and then that’s absolutely 100% My experience with it as well, it was nothing but an even when we, you know, we did have the conversation about what was said and what offended her she came, she was, it was a very respectful conversation. There was, you know, it was it was nothing but, you know, I felt disrespected, and I and I was angry that I was dying. And you were always the one that I took out the the hardest things on You were always the one that I knew could handle me, you know, and her harshness, and I get that I understand that. Yeah,
Kristin Taylor 41:57
let’s stay with that understanding, going back to the idea of a soul contract soul agreements, which are agreements with the people in our lives who perhaps we’ve incarnated with over and over and made contracts to say, okay, what are we here to learn? What are we here to do? How does that inform who you are? And what perhaps you agree to in this in this lifetime?
Amber Smith 42:20
Yeah. I mean, I think it’s very, it’s becoming very clear to me that I agreed to, and Diane said it in my reading that I am my mom’s life College, and that she has learned so much from my ability to set boundaries and express those boundaries in ways that she was never able to that she’s learned how to set boundaries with her own parents, since she’s passed over. And so it’s become very clear to me that that was sort of the purpose I was supposed to serve for my mom. And also her purpose in my life was to learn resilience and to learn self love, and boundary setting and cycle breaking. And, you know, just breaking the generational curses, I think that were left for us, from generations past that. My daughter, hopefully will not have to carry on with her. Yeah, yeah.
Kristin Taylor 43:20
So as we this time goes by really, really quickly. No, I know, it doesn’t go by fast. We still have time. But I just want to say we’re probably in the last quarter of it. When you think about the work that you did, I mean, I’m just the facilitator. Diane is just the conduit. But the work that you signed up for purposely and intentionally, whether it’s with me or another therapist, or Diane, and I always believe they’re orchestrations, to get you connected with the person who can be that sort of earth angel to support your evolution. What do you know and believe now, and how do you move through the world differently than you did say, two years ago?
Amber Smith 44:06
As lots of things, I think the first thing that comes to mind, though, is that, you know, I went two years ago, I went from being really really angry and resentful towards especially my mom, but all of my my parents and my siblings to be honest with you, to now more fully, being able to accept where they were in their lives and how, you know, I sort of came in as a character in their story as much as they were for mine and, and understanding just kind of the roles and supporting roles that we play and, and so it’s it’s, it’s, I’ve learned true forgiveness, I think and and really what that looks like, and then it’s opened up where resentment used to be it’s opened up love. And I think that that is, you know, I can I can truly say right now, I might get a little tearful that I love my mother. And I don’t know, if I two years ago could have said I could tell you, you know, just as a daughter to a mom, the love that we have, you know, as as that bond, you know, I would have stood in front of a train for her. Absolutely. But to love who she was. I couldn’t have said that two years ago. And now I have such a, you know, an understanding of how she got to the place she was and what happened to her and why it happens and then how it all played out for me. It’s just like, okay, okay, I see how all of that happens. It doesn’t make it okay. Each there is no excuse for what happened to me or, or how I was treated, but I get it and it’s allowed me to move on through it. You know, and, and, and forgive her and love her now
Kristin Taylor 46:11
is so beautiful and powerful. I feel like going back to that his name is escaping me. I hate when this happens. But Andrew McCabe, Dr. Andrew McCain, that his son on the other side, said that we are here to learn how to love in the face of pain.
Amber Smith 46:35
Oh, wonder I fully 100% believe that. Yeah. Yeah. Because what you know what we are, I think, you know, in it again, I hate to say it like this just because I you know, death sounds so awful. But it took her death for me to be able to love her. Yeah, and but I think it was only because of what her earthly form was keeping her from that, that she accessed on the other side. And you know that moving to the other side and being able to connect with her in a different way is really how I found love and and you know, you can apply I feel like you can apply that to grief experiences so often, you know, where you just I don’t know, I think you find love in the deepest of ways through loss.
Kristin Taylor 47:31
Yeah, that grief is not purposeless, ya know, that that was part of your catharsis. Yeah, that’s powerful. Man. It’s powerful. Well, I just adore you, and applaud you. And I’m so honored that you agreed to come here and share and I know in my heart two things. Number one, your mom is listening. And she’s so proud of you. And I believe that. Yeah. And number two, you sharing as the potential dish doesn’t really help so many lives. But even if it just helps one life, you just started a really good thing. So thank you.
Amber Smith 48:16
You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure.
Kristin Taylor 48:18
And I’ll see you soon.
Amber Smith 48:20
Kristin Taylor 48:24
Thank you so much Amber, for sharing your story. If you’re enjoying these podcasts, I ask that you share them or write a review. We need your help in getting these important messages out there. sound engineering for today’s show was provided by Shane Suffriti. To learn more about Shane, please visit Shanesuffriti.com. If you are looking to increase your own wellness, reduce your anxiety, self doubt or deepen your own personal or spiritual awareness. These are the areas I specialize in as a coach and would love to explore working with you. Please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you for tuning in. And we’ll see you next time on How I Made It Through.
EIQ Media, LLC 49:10
How I Made It Through is produced and distributed by EIQ media LLC. Elevate your emotional IQ with podcasts and content focused on overcoming adversity, leadership, mental health, entrepreneurship, spiritually transformative experiences and more.