Samantha J 00:04
Courage is to belong so deeply to ourselves, that we can truly be the example of the world that we wish existed right now.Because we cannot create the world that we wish existed and be afraid of rejection, judgment, misunderstanding, because that’s actually completely a part of the PA, because there needs to be somebody willing to stand for something different in order to create a different world.
Kristin Taylor 00:51
Hello, and welcome to How I Made It Through. My name is Kristin Taylor, and I’m an executive coach. My life’s work requires holding sacred space for stories of struggle, and facilitating a loving process of finding one’s way back to wholeness, because, much like the immortal words of Robert Frost, the best way out, is always thrown. Today’s guest is Samantha J. To begin with, buckle up, you are about to go on quite an adventure, and adventure and listening and learning. As Samantha impacts the depth, insight and wisdom of a remarkable woman who has traveled many distances, both literally and figuratively, as she has inquired into the landscape of her own experience and consciousness, and returned with a level of conviction that governs her commitment to show up for herself and others. With radical courage and authenticity. Samantha describes herself as a business Empress. She is an award winning entrepreneur, five time best selling author, and a soulful speaker. In today’s episode, you will hear how Samantha refuses to wait to belong to others. And how she over and over again, continues to choose her self continues to belong to herself, and most importantly, to love herself as she practices a connection to her own unwavering worthiness. Hello, Samantha and welcome to How I Made It Through.
Samantha J 02:31
Thank you so much, Kristin, I’m so excited to be here.
Kristin Taylor 02:34
I’m so excited that you are here. You know, I was really looking forward to today’s interview, because you are one of these amazing people who just walk through life with such depth and wisdom and courage and authenticity. And I can’t wait to unpack all of that. And yet this did not happen overnight. From my understanding, there were a lot of places of darkness and deep suffering. And given the title and given the objective of our time together on how I made it through. I would like to have a conversation where we can demystify that these beautiful, bright shiny people who move through the world like you weren’t just born with ease, it took some real work to get to where you are today. And so if you are open, I’d love to hear a bit about your childhood. And what that was like I understand you felt like an outsider.
Samantha J 03:35
Yeah, thank you. It’s a such a beautiful place to start for me in my childhood. I really remember feeling so much. So it’ll go I often looked around and saw others who were just kind of like playing and they were wanting to do like little, little girl or little boy things like play with dolls and, and for me, I often felt different. I felt so much and I felt that what actually created a sense of joy and connection for me was so different to my brother and sister and the people around me. And at different times this I guess created a lot of self doubt and uncertainty inside of myself because I started to think oh my gosh, maybe there’s something wrong with me like why do I get more upset? Or why do I feel so emotional when or even know things about my mum and dad or their connection and relationship and why do I feel this like burden or responsibility that I must be the person to rescue them and their relationship or I guess take on all of this stuff. And you know what I was really battling with then as a little girl is that I really didn’t know that what these things were were my emotions. It was my Gifts, it was my sensitivities. And this wasn’t being communicated to me by the people around me. And so if you are feeling all these things, and in different situations, you seem to act different than the people around you. Sometimes you go, Oh, maybe there’s something wrong with me for why I’m having such a different experience and the people around me,
Kristin Taylor 05:21
Yes, gotta relate to you more than I can say I very much had a similar experience, I’m highly sensitive. And emotions are something that’s just my, my language, they’re right there, whether I want them to be or not. And this sense of feeling different, like maybe there’s something wrong with me. You also said, you know, little boys and little girls would play with dolls, or trucks or whatever they were doing. And that seemed to bring them joy. What brought you joy, as a child that felt different?
Samantha J 05:49
What brought me joy, as a child was wanting to teach, I felt like there was so much knowledge and information inside of me that I often found myself going to the cubby house, pretending to be a teacher and like, wanting to create little things, you know, and be teaching people things I wanted to sit around like mom and dad and all the adults and like, have like, no negotiations and discussions and be like, No, I see it this way. No, you haven’t thought about it this way. So I was quite opinionated. And, and then also, there was like, there was also a lot that I couldn’t communicate, you know, a lot that I felt, but I didn’t have the words to communicate. And it almost felt like my human body was catching up to the wisdom that I felt inside. And my only way of kind of learning how to digest this information or energy was singing. So I’d sit underneath the tree, or I’d walk in nature on our family farm, and I’d be like, trying to write a song or trying to be like, a trying to philosophize the, you know, the universe and try to find the words to bring that energy out into something that was logical for me.
Kristin Taylor 07:06
Yeah. I love the direction of this. Because I know as we get talking, we’re going to talk a lot about being connected to spirits, wisdom, and your soul’s wisdom. And it sounds like it showed up for you at a very young age. And so that’s challenging, that’s hard to feel like an outsider to feel like I have so much inside of me. And yet I don’t have the maturity, the experience the language, or people who are mirroring it, or validating it often. What did that lead to? And can you speak more about some of your childhood and some of the obstacles you faced, in being this kind of, I think of it as like an older soul, like you’re already connected with, like, I’m here to do stuff, but it doesn’t always fit a kid.
Samantha J 07:50
Yes. It led to great dealings of like feeling misunderstood, feeling misunderstood, feeling like my authentic self wasn’t validated or wasn’t approved, and that I had to be somebody else other than who I authentically was, if I was going to fit in, or to be approved by my family tribe. And so that meant hide your sensitivity, hide your emotions, don’t speak up at the dinner table. You know, and that if I be this, like warm, loving, and bubbly thing, that it’s going to be too much. Because every single year through my childhood, I was winning academia awards, I was doing all these things. I was very self assertive, and like, I would I would not want help on my projects moving down like I wanted to, I’m like, No, I’ll do everything. Can I started, you know, my first entrepreneurial venture, I think was like, between 13 and 15. I started earning money I, you know, I and so I guess what happened is, I felt so misunderstood that I became hyper independent and felt like no one, I don’t need anybody else. And I didn’t realize this until later on in life, but it actually built up a lot of anger and resentment. And this sense of like, I need to always protect myself from other people, because they’re going to hold me back. They’re not going to be able to approve of my authentic self. And you know, that resentment then built up through my teenage years, and I was just so desperate actually to want to be loved. It’s something that we all need. And even though I was creating all this success, and I was trying to get my own needs met by myself, there was this part of me that so desperately wanted to be validated and approved by others. And so it ended up going down this road of like, being promiscuous, not knowing how to handle my emotions because they were never explained or validated. So I went and looked to drugs and alcohol and men and I was like, wow, can’t somebody you know love me it really that? That sense? So of rejection of like, I feel like I’ve been rejected. I feel like I’m not being validated. I went then for them unhealthy means of validation to try to understand why. Even though I was showing love in the way that love means to me why I wasn’t being met with what love equals, in my, in my world.
Kristin Taylor 10:25
Yeah. Was that something that you were consciously doing? Or was it unconscious? Or what are your thoughts on that?
Samantha J 10:33
It was purely like unconscious. Like, it’s only it was only, you know, 510 15 years later that I was able to then reconcile, wow, you know, I, from a very young age thought that I’m a bad person. And there’s something wrong with me because because I was so different to my family unit, and what my genuine needs were, as a little girl was so not known or understood. And so I grew up in a beautiful family, but it’s just like, as a little girl, I had different needs than somebody else. And then fundamental needs of what love equals, for me, we’re missing. And so that, that constant kind of missing of one’s needs, it creates such a level of like, insecurity inside of us, that it’s just, it’s just normal, like, we all need to be validated and approved and loved in the way that we need. So the longer that, that, you know, especially when your your requests for help your request for I need this. And then when that’s not heard, it’s like, you can feel incredibly trapped. And you can feel like, you know, well, I don’t matter. And these key themes, you know, it’s what shaped me into an entrepreneur today, I’m so driven to matter. And it’s because I’m so didn’t feel like I mattered as a little girl, I’m so driven to be seen in the world, because I so didn’t feel seen as a little girl. And I know that a lot of entrepreneurs are going to feel this way, you know, whatever their needs were that when we seen when we were little, it’s like in some way we have to learn how to receive them ourself. But also, then it’s what shapes us into being, I think, big change agents and conscious entrepreneurs who want to make a difference.
Kristin Taylor 12:24
Yes, yes. That’s so fascinating to me. And I want to stay with where you are in the current chronology of the story, as you’re telling it, and yet what comes up for me as an executive coaches, really Barnatan it feels like every client I’ve had, to one extent or another has very much been reenacting childhood trauma, or childhood, feeling like they don’t matter aren’t seen. And it’s through the work that they do. It’s this profound calling, but it’s also this amazing opportunity for this personal work on so many levels emotionally and psychologically. And if they’re open to it spiritually, which is really the direction you take it. Yeah. So tell me more about this time where you’re not feeling like you matter. You’re not having who you are reflected. You’re asking for approval, and you’re just feeling kind of like a misfit as I’m understanding it in your own family. So it’s promiscuity. It’s kind of looking for love and all the wrong places. How long did you stay there? And what were some of the events or insights that helped you to start moving through it, rather than really going to very low places?
Samantha J 13:32
Yes, it was. I think the turning point for me, of when I really entered that phase was when I went from primary school into high school. In primary school, I get to be, you know, warm and loving. And I got to like, feel safe to put my hand up to be like, I’ve finished early, like, give me extra work. And I got all the awards. And I was like, This is great. Like, I love this. And I went to then high school when I was like, this is different, like, I hadn’t been kissing boys. I hadn’t been doing all these things. And I went to this high school and I’d heard about all these experiences these girls were having, and I was like, wow, like, I’m not into any of that. Like I just hadn’t been into it to be honest. And it was actually such a culture shock for me. And I was like, ah, you know, I’d been like what I thought was the popular girl in primary school. And I realized to be the popular girl in high school meant me abandoning myself I had to hitch had to hitch my skirt up I had to know it’s not good to be like the high achieving person like we pick on them people you know, be the source of males desire and attention and so because I am so intuitive, I could easily just be like, look at it and go well, how do I be Miss popular here? And for whatever reason, there was that need and desire to want that and I could easily see like, Oh, this is the road to getting that. And I then because of that level of insecurity and that lack of validation in Who I, who I was that I was searching for it in my school yard in this way, I then started to, you know, be with boys and start partying. And when I went and tried to really speak to my parents from about the ages of 13 to 16 about, you know, Mom, Dad, can I go to the parties can I go out and you know, do these different things, then kind of request to find a way that I could socially belong wasn’t really met for me. And it was then that I started hiding things from my parents going to different parties. And it all came to this kind of crescendo when my parents were away, and I had a party at their house, and cars got bashed, and, like, you know, like hundreds and hundreds of people there. And, and it was at that point where I was like, I went back to school, I remember the next day, and my business studies teacher, he took me outside and he said, You’re better than this. And I felt so caught up because I knew it. But I felt like nobody else really saw who I was, and that I was better than it. And I remember at that point, I just needed one person to be like, you are better than this. And I was like, I felt the sense of relief. Like all of those things I was doing, I was actually trying to just get attention to in the household to be like, Hey, do you care about me? Do you love me? Do I matter? And do you actually see who I am. And in that point, when he said that, I was able to actually go to my parents. And I was able to say, you know, I think that I maybe have like a mental illness. This is in the family like I’m, I felt I in some way. I was feeling like, you know, I need for this to be resolved, could I go to boarding school, and actually, I need to be around healthy people that are like high achieving and the way that I am. And I remember I then moved to Sydney, I went to boarding school. And when I got there, it was just like, it felt like I was again in primary school where I was around like minded people, high achieving, driven, and that again, it was safe to be me. Because I I hadn’t had that validation, you know, in my household that it’s safe to be me. So to be around a group of people who are similar to me was what really helped me to know, ah, it’s safer to be me. I’m gonna get that social belonging as I be myself in that area.
Kristin Taylor 17:27
Yeah. And that those ages, I didn’t realize you were so young. I mean, I have a child who’s almost 14, and that sense of belonging and wanting to be normal? Is this almost this primitive urges? So all of who he is at this age? Yeah. And so this safe to to be me and to have that mirrored is so powerful. What I also appreciate about you, Samantha, is that when I was asking you about what questions I could ask, you said nothing is off the table. And in fact, one of your values is really D stigmatizing mental health issues. Tell me a bit more about your relationship to your own mental health or dysregulation, or whatever it is that you’ve gone through and, and how that has shaped who you are now as an adult woman.
Samantha J 18:18
Yes, I, I recall, in these times when I was, you know, about 15 years old, that as we are changing as our bodies are changing, our hormones are changing, that in ancient communities in ancient shamanistic communities, they actually see this as a rite of passage. They see it as an identity, doorway passage where we’re starting to ask ourselves, who am I? And who am I in relation to my family unit, and what’s my individual self at these times. And I think that, at the time, I was experiencing social anxiety, I was experiencing all different things with my moods because of the drugs and the alcohol. And we thought that level of social understanding around what that time signifies, and how to feel confident in who you are, know how to say yes or no to social situations as you’re trying to discover who you are and where you fit within the family unit and great of society. There are a lot of things that were coming up for me at that time that the traditional mental health system would say you’ve got a mental illness, but it was actually just simply that I didn’t have enough leadership around me of somebody actually guiding me through this process in a way where I could develop a secure self where I could stand by, you know, my authentic self because there’s this huge conflict between our need to belong and that need to fit in and also knowing who we are as our authentic self and having the car Just stand in it, and sometimes meet social rejection, as a part of that, and know that we still belong to something much greater. And so, yeah, yeah. And so through that time I reached out to the counselor, and I was like, there must be something, you know, I’m doing something wrong, like, I didn’t know how to navigate it. And so at that point, I did see I did, I was, you’re in the years to come, I was then put on depression, antidepressants, to deal with the societal pressures, because there was this lack of leadership. And I remember when I was at boarding school, and I’d been put on this antidepressants, like, it only took me going to a doctor filling out a few different tick boxes, and boom, I, you know, I was numb on this any depressants, and then I started, you know, blacking out, I started getting fatigue, all of these things started happening. And because that doctor didn’t know, my family’s history of bipolar disorder, you know, then actually, it exacerbated this bipolar disorder. And I then started getting mood, different things. And, and the thing is, is because, one, there was a lack of leadership guiding me through these years. And the second thing is that, like, there was nobody just helping me to go to the root cause of it, there was that kind of that reactivity from a system. And after being on that, and experiencing these mental illness symptoms, I realized that this is where there’s a huge gap in terms of the mental illness system, and it’s something I then went on to write a book about, and also help a lot of people through. And I’ve done a lot of education on this, because there’s a difference between when our core needs haven’t been met, and we haven’t learned the skills of how to meet our core needs, which then create different emotions. And then there’s also then the different part, which is, you know, our gut health, our sleep, where we’re getting our sense of purpose from. And so for me, after having gone from, you know, the mental illness system, to now being free of these, I don’t experience depression, like I don’t experience bipolar disorder, or depression, or these different things anymore, I have, I’ve now got an entirely new perspective of what mental illness is, and how we can free ourselves from it.
Kristin Taylor 22:28
Wow. So what I’m hearing from you is, it’s an entirely different paradigm. Yeah. And what I’m hearing you say, is recognizing where we are not being met, in terms of the system that currently is in place. And that it starts from adolescence that there’s, you know, in indigenous cultures, there’s a way to really honor and ritualize the passage and normalize it, and for so many people, but for you, because this is your story, I hear you saying there was almost like this rejection of yourself to fit in. And it’s externalizing, that the problem just didn’t exist within you. But it was a system that wasn’t meeting the needs. So how, how did you get from starting to recognize this, to finding a path for your own healing for your emotional regulation? would tell me some of the ingredients and some of the learnings I know you wrote a whole book on it. By the way, what is the name of the book? I want to make sure you mentioned that? Yes. What are some of the principles and practices?
Samantha J 23:36
Yes, mental health warrior. And the main practice, if there was no one place in the world that had the solution, I had to travel around the world and bring many solutions to come together and find my own way. One of the first things that I did is a had to recognize the mental illness is just a symptom of disconnection with self. And sometimes what we need to do is we need to reclaim the lost parts of ourself, to be able to bring back the strength, power, and most importantly, the self responsibility to say my mental illness is my creation. Now, anybody who’s got a mental illness may not be able to hear that statement, because it took me a good amount of pain and suffering before I was able to actually go, my mental illness is my creation. And so if I’m choosing this either consciously or unconsciously, I need to be able to get the support to know how I’m creating this. What do I think of myself? Where am I rejecting myself? Where am I not meeting my needs? Where am I not living a life which is in divine alignment with who I authentically am as a person. And so I went to NLP. And NLP really helped me to be able to then look for the root cause. And the root cause of this mental illness was that I was sick. actually abused as a young girl. And this is where that initial trauma was created where I started to fragment in my psyche and not be able to deal with the world and first start believing I’m a bad person. And when I remembered this event, I then pride, I felt a lot of things. And my whole life up until then made sense to me. Because I was living with this level of shame and guilt that I didn’t even quite understand. And it was when that event, and that root cause was created. Yep, that I was then able to go, I’m not a bad person, that I was not responsible for that event happening to me. And I was a young girl, and I was able to forgive them, and then myself, and because I then forgave myself, and then then I could stop punishing myself for that event happening. And when I could stop punishing myself for that event happening, I got to then write a new future and a new ending of my story, the story no longer had power over me. And so I started to ask myself, well, what does a life of meaning and purpose mean to me, and I was like, I want to help other people out there, who have got this, who don’t have the right education, or people around them, to support them with this. And I went to the world’s most renowned energy medicine school, I started learning the very techniques that have liberated me, I wanted to write the book, I did education, know if this is not about people making money out of illness. And this is actually about people getting healthy. Well, then what are the means for getting healthy from these things. So I, I’ve reached searched, you know, I think it’s over 90% of people. It’s between 50 to 90%, don’t know the exact figure of people that just eliminate gluten from their diet, or their depressive symptoms go. So the key things I did is I went gluten free, dairy free, I removed all the toxins from my home, I stopped drinking alcohol, I decided to go create a life vision of like what’s authentic for me of who I am as a person, that’s going to make me the most joy. And I just started living life more according to my own rules. And that required so much self belonging that I use that anger, the anger from that event, and I use the anger from not getting my needs met, that I said to myself, I’m going to stop waiting for others to love me the way that I need, I’m gonna start loving myself and the way I need, I’m going to stop being my own best friend, I’m going to give myself everything that I want in this life, and nothing can stop me like, and they begin to be this drive this fuel this, I began to just be like, I’ll be the one that validates me, I’ll be the one that approves me, I’ll be the one that loves me and like, nothing like oh, just be this force to reckoned with. And it was so amazing after having abused myself for so long. To then just choose myself day in day out day. And the level of self love that came from that is then how my mental illness healed itself. Like, I had to realize I’m the one and I was the one who penned the mental illness, and I can be the one who pens my liberation from it.
Kristin Taylor 28:26
Samantha, what I really appreciate about how comprehensive that response was, is that you’re giving levels of detail, that it’s such a holistic approach. And you mentioned NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming. Can you say more about what that is and why it was so powerful for you?
Samantha J 28:43
Absolutely. Neuro Linguistic Programming helps us to be able to connect into the subconscious programming that we are living our life from within our belief systems trauma. And what was so powerful for that is that this wasn’t something that was conscious, it wasn’t conscious, I would have had no idea about it. And they say that, for people who have experienced sexual abuse, if you haven’t remembered it, by the time you’re 35, then you won’t remember it. And the reason that the conscious memory can’t remember it, it’s because it’s actually too overwhelming. And I can really understand why. And you may have Inklings or feelings, but you don’t really know for me, I had absolutely no idea.
Kristin Taylor 29:34
And
Samantha J 29:35
Your linguistic programming has a technique called timeline therapy, where you go into a deep state of meditation and they take you through different prompt questions that then kind of turns off the conscious mind and then accesses that unconscious mind to bring it up so that it feels safe. And then when you can associate a new meaning to that memory, then You are asked how did this happen? Not to you. So you’re a victim. But actually, how did it happen for you, that’s positive for your future. And it’s knowing why these events happen for us like that really enables us to take responsibility to look at the gifts inside of it. And then we have the opportunity to turn our wounds into our greatest sources of wisdom, compassion, and power. And this is the, this is the journey we’re all on. We’re all on this journey of the heroes or heroines journey, where we go through experiences, not to us, but so that we are shaped into our best self. And as we walk the path, then we have the wisdom to share with others to show them the way out to
Kristin Taylor 30:45
Yes, yes, I’m just sitting here just nodding and nodding. By a few clients listening, they’re going to recognize that this is so much of the work we do that it happens for us. I am so curious, everything that you’ve said, it’s so abundantly clear that you are very much living your life sourced from the Divine or however you define that, can you share a bit about your belief system and that relationship and how that was a part of your healing and continues to be a part of your life?
Samantha J 31:17
Absolutely. You know, when I was leaving from that need to be validated, and approved, I was very much driven from my ego. And I got a level of external success as an award winning entrepreneur. And I found a lot of external safety and security through status. But that all came to a breaking point when I was around 22, where I felt this level of internal unfulfillment, right, it was like an external world of success, living to other people’s rules, but internal, there wasn’t that, you know, real connection to the divine. And that actually, is what got me on the path of God or spirit or following my heart, my intuition, whatever you want to call it. And I want to say for anybody who’s listening, who’s like, they never say the word God Spirit, I actually was that person. Talk about it every single day, but I was actually that person. And so my life got to a point where there was that level of like, something is missing, like something inside is, is missing still, that caused me to ask a higher power of like, look, okay, I’ll let go to let God like, I’ll surrender to something greater than me, because this isn’t working. And I think that we all have that. And what I did is, I surrendered my life over to something greater than me. And I asked for help. And when I did that, that’s when I started to really take the steps to even decondition myself. And the ideas of what I was told is like, this makes you successful, this makes you worthy. This makes you lovable, status, what you look like how your body is, how desirable you are, the type of partner you’ve got next year, how big your house is. And it was at that point where I was like, well, actually, I’ve got those things, and I don’t feel worthy, or lovable or enough, because I’ve popped that value of who I am in things that are external to me. Yes. And, and it was when I then I started traveling, I started traveling to over 25 different countries and sitting in circle with like the medicine men and women of the Andes in Peru and South Africa. And I started to ask myself, like, what is beyond materialism? What is where does my value really rest beyond where I’ve been putting it externally. And I started this journey into myself into my heart, using meditation, learning going to Nepal, I sat in a silent meditation retreat for 10 days and didn’t talk. And if there’s any way to get acquainted with your inner self, and where your inner value really lies, that is definitely the way I’d highly recommend doing that. And so when I was bare of everything, like no makeup wearing these shabby clothes, like, where there’s I can’t affirm myself from my ego based on my clothes, my makeup my looks like everybody’s the same in this monastery. How do I really feel about myself then? It showed me, it showed me a level of fragility actually, of that I wasn’t really connected to this level of value that I don’t have to prove it to feel it. I don’t have to perform to feel it. I don’t have to do something to to know it. It’s like, no matter what I be or do it’s just it’s a cool constant, that connection to that constant worthiness, when you’ve got that connection to self, and that’s when I found God, I first found God, when I was at that Buddhist monastery in Nepal, when I sat in meditation, listening to nothing other than my inner thoughts, and having nobody to reconcile that with other than myself that I started to really understand what my relationship with myself and the divine was, because I allowed for the voices outside of me, to not be louder than my inner voice over those 10 days. And I think that that’s what we need, we need a space of time, every single day, that the voice inside of us becomes louder than the external voices of who we should be to be worthy, lovable, or enough, or even what our path should look like. And when you can cultivate that inner connection to your heart and your higher self, then it will give you guidance, there’ll be breadcrumbs that come. And then breadcrumbs are ultimately calling you forward to discover new parts of you and live the most meaningful life for you. And that’s really how it started for me.
Kristin Taylor 36:14
That is extraordinary. Not only all the travel, I mean, that’s impressive in and of itself. But what’s really the most extraordinary is the 10 days of silence 10 days of silence. And the shift from what I would call living from the outside and all the validation from how much money what you look like it’s so easy to fall into those trappings and it’s so so reinforced and right. And this insight outliving truly tuning into your heart. It’s really just I want to underscore that as just how powerful and it leads me to two questions. I want to ask one at a time here. The first question is, around courage, so much of who you are, and what you teach, and how you show up as around courage. What is your definition of courage,
Samantha J 37:15
For me, courage is to belong so deeply to ourselves, that we can truly be the example of the world that we wish existed right now. Because we cannot create the world that we wish existed and be afraid of rejection, judgment, misunderstanding, because that’s actually completely a part of the PA, because there needs to be somebody willing to stand for something different in order to create a different world. And One needs courage. One needs to so deeply feel secure in that connection to their heart and their divine, that they deeply trust that they’ve got the eyes to see that vision of the world, because they are the one to be the hands, the feet, the mouth, the physical vessel, to be that instrument of source and spirit. And that one must learn self validation as a part of that path to courageously keep going because people will reject, they will misunderstand, they will question because it’s not the norm. mediocrities norm, the current world’s norm. But if you want to be somebody who challenges the status quo and brings in new way and pioneers something, think about the greatest minds of our time, right now, Elon Musk, and even if you look back in time, even Jesus, like there was this kind of like, a, like a level of initial acceptance and momentum and like, Oh, I’m interested, those early adopters. But there’s also equally a level of pressure and conformity and resistance that comes whenever somebody’s pioneering a new way. So if you want to stand in really being that example, and being that leader, that creates change, then it takes first belonging to yourself to have the courage to self validate along the way, and to keep maintaining that trust in yourself.
Kristin Taylor 39:19
Yeah, yeah. Reminds me a lot of the work of Brene Brown.
Samantha J 39:23
Yeah, I love her work.
Kristin Taylor 39:25
Yes, yes. It’s really getting into the ring. And when you do when you have the courage to belong to yourself, and you speak your truth, people, especially in the age of social media, are downright vicious. And I remember in her video, and I can’t remember the name of it right now, but it’s on Netflix. And she talked about after having her her initial TED talk how she thought maybe you know, a few people would watch it and then it was like millions and millions of people were watching it and she just shut herself in and got a big old hunk of peanut butter on the biggest spoon she could find because she was like, oh my god, the things they were saying were so mean. How do you feel? When you belong to yourself, you are still human, there are still hurt feelings, they’re still the whole spectrum of being a human being. What have you learned about emotional regulation? In the face of breaking paradigms speaking truths that aren’t necessarily popular? What’s your sense of that, that you can share?
Samantha J 40:23
Yes. So first, we need to recognize that we all have a need to be liked, and that needs not going away. Because we’re social beings, it’s part of our physiology, we all need to be like, so anybody that says, like, don’t care about what others think it’s not, it’s not really super fun, what we have to start to do is we have to care more about what we think of ourselves and develop self integrity to No, this is my vision of the world, this is what I stand for, these are my values and allow for that to be a compass for how you guide your life, I think that what has really helped me is first having that clarity of vision mission values, I stand for this, I stand against that. The second thing that’s helped me is really working with a mentor around boundaries. Because if I don’t have first, the clarity inside of myself of what is okay, what’s not okay about social media, clients, family, friends, you know, every single different first have that clarity inside, then it’s not embodied boundaries, and then I don’t have the resources inside, to be able to stand up and speak up to say yes and no for things. So I did a lot of work around boundaries, being okay with disappointing people letting others down. Sometimes people misunderstanding me. And I’m really sensitive. So one of the things I’m working on at the moment is, I’ve done a lot of work on it, but I’m still working on it now is choosing to not abandon my sensitivity and emotions along the way with that process. So, like, right now, I’ve been putting myself out there. And I’ve had recently some, some negative stuff from people, you know, saying they’re very triggered of my success and all these things. And what I had to first do is to not become hard. That’s the worst thing we can do is become hard. And so I had to be honest, and I was like, Okay, I’m starting to feel this real sadness and grief of like, people don’t like me, I’m being misunderstood. And this feeling of exclusion. And how I work with my emotions is I honor, accept and acknowledge them, rather than pushing them away, or being hard. I go, I’m really hurting right now. Nobody likes me. And that’s okay. And I do sacred geometry. And the story that was going on in my head. Nobody likes me right now. Because I was like receiving this rejection. That was like, genuinely what my inner child was feeling. So I first had to accept, that’s where she is. It’s okay, that one, nobody likes you. And that’s okay. And I do this sacred geometry accept it, then we create space for something different. So what I do is I go, Well, I’m the adult here. If nobody’s liking her right now, in this moment, what can I do to keep her safe and protected? What does she need? I asked her what she needs, I give it to myself. And that’s when the emotional regulation happens. And then I and then I look to the future, and I go, Well, what am I learning about this that’s positive for my future. And I was like, Well, I’m, I don’t want to hang around those people anymore. Like, that doesn’t feel good for me. Like, I don’t want to hang around those people, the types of people I want to be around is this. And then now I’ve got some clarity on how I can take responsibility and create something new for me.
Kristin Taylor 43:46
Beautiful, that’s beautiful. I think, you know, we need to feel in order to heal. And that’s what I really hear you doing. And it’s honoring the feelings rather than just pushing them down or becoming that egoic part that says, I don’t care. Well, of course we care. It doesn’t feel good. We are social creatures. How much of that process also involves your connection to the divine?
Samantha J 44:08
Yes, well, every day I connect with the divine and ask like, how is this supporting me for my future? How is this helping me to become the leader to become the woman of my dreams and my legacy? And I definitely have felt that like, I am one of those people that has been rejected and misunderstood a lot. And when I asked the divine Why is this happening? For me? It’s because I’m here to help those who have been rejected or misunderstood or judged to have that level of inner security. And also know that they can find a community of others who are like them, and learn to not only self belong, but be accepted by a community of people who are like them, too. And so the only way I can do that is by having them experiences firsthand myself learning how to navigate them. And that’s actually really what gets me through? Yes. What gets me through? Is that, like, none of my Korea has it been about how does little semi like had the life of her dreams? Like, for me personally, I wouldn’t have been able to tap into the strength and courage and power that it’s required to face so many dark parts of myself if it was about me, you know, it’s actually, it’s always been about like, I want to help others through this, like, I will do this for me, and I’ll do it for us. Like, that’s actually what’s always driven me is like, I felt something, I’ve seen something in the world. And I’m like, I want to, like, I don’t want this anymore for me. And I don’t want this anymore for us. And that’s actually what’s always inspired me to be able to tap into the strength and the power. And that’s what the divine shares with me, it’s like, no, you’re here to be the example this is happening for you walk the path, and then show others how to do it. And actually, that’s what’s ever since I surrendered my life to the Divine, it’s like now this is how I lead my life. I’ve got this quote, When spirit cause I answer. And when I call spirit, spirit answers, and I’ve realized that the greatest expression of divinity that we can live our life that gives us the greatest level of fulfillment and happiness and health. And a life of that is to live our life in this way of selfless service of contribution and committing to that lifetime of growth.
Kristin Taylor 46:33
Mm hmm. Wow, wow, that’s just, again, really remarkable. And I’m hearing in that a deep empathy. It’s the empathy that allows you to say, how is this happening for me? Well, the empathy allows you to be of service and if I may, I, the word selfless, I don’t hear too selfless. I hear it as like, self full, like, because you are so belonging to yourself, you know, that allows that a path to go forward. You mentioned and I want to be aware of time. So as we start to move into the last part of your interview, you mentioned in your relationship to the Divine these breadcrumbs that guidance, I want to ask you about that. And then it’s I feel like it’s so connected to what you’re saying. And then I want to just really handed over to you to talk about what it is you do do, because you have such a mission that is so connected to spirit, and I want to just give you the space to speak to that. So let’s start with the breadcrumbs though.
Samantha J 47:37
Okay. Yes, the breadcrumbs are, will often get a feeling or knowing that our heart, whether it’s in meditation, or something in our life, that tries to wake us up, wake us up from where we are asleep, and it pulls us into this unknown world. So for me, the breadcrumbs is like the synchronicities of life, the feeling the knowing, which for me, for example, often happens in meditation, where, if in any way, like emotionally, mentally, or an area of my life is feeling a little bit heavy, it’s like I’m, then often what will happen is in meditation, a person’s name will come to mind, or I’ll out of nowhere, get a call from somebody who, you know, is giving me a piece of information about something that I was only thinking about a week ago, or I’ve been feeling for a long time, I wanted to write a book. And then at the cafe, I saw somebody’s this flyer, which was like inspirational book writing. And I was like, well, that’s interesting. Well, I might, I was feeling that I was going to write a book, I might have a look at this. And then I kind of, I’m like, well, that’s interesting, like, the two things are kind of tying up. And then I might call that person and then I write my first book. And then that book leads to me, you know, weaving my sole purpose or something. So breadcrumbs are very much the clues from the Divine of our next step, the synchronistic meetings of people, the little kind of nudges in the corner of our eye, which is like, hey, go down this path. And what they require from us is, doesn’t always make logical sense. It’s just a feeling and annoying and it requires us to trust them, not to leave all our life behind and be quite irrational with them. But it requires us to go I’m curious about this. I was feeling like, I wanted that answer. I’m, I’m curious. I feel like this could be the answer to it. And then taking one step towards it. And then again, feeling and using our heart and our intuition to go, that feels good. And to continue to go down that path.
Kristin Taylor 49:47
Beautiful, beautiful. It’s requires the presence to pay attention to be tuned in. It sounds like meditation gives you the capacity. Beautiful. Yeah, I love it. Will you Uh, in the space that we have left, which is, you know, as much time as you want, really I’ve left like 10 minutes. But I would love to hear you share with our listeners, what it is you do with your clients, the mission of your business, anything you want to share.
Samantha J 50:17
Yeah, so now I, I help entrepreneurs, conscious entrepreneurs to build purposeful and profitable empires by learning how to stand in their authenticity. Because I believe that it’s only when we stand in our authenticity, that we can unleash our meaningful impact that we’re here to have in the world. So now I’ve got Empire B School, and it’s all about helping you to have the inner courage, the confidence, the clarity on the different pillars of how to create that impact that you are here to have with the world. And it’s just been such a rewarding experience, because often these people have been really struggling with these themes that I’ve been chatting about today. And to know that they can realize their greatest potential, and that what comes from that is being able to have a purposeful and profitable business is so rewarding to see. So many people getting out there and wanting to be that example in the world. So that’s my main business that I’ve got at the moment, and I am doing talks, I’ve got a few different best selling books as well build your empire from the inside out, stand up, speak up. So I’d love to give everybody here a free copy of both of those books in the eBook version. And we’ll send that across to everybody. You know, what we’re really trying to create as a movement, a movement worldwide, where I believe that if each of us stand in our authentic self and realize our greatest potential, that that’s ultimately how our world will become a better place, it doesn’t become a better place by us having opinions, comes a better place by us being liberated from our own problems, learning from them, and then sharing the wisdom with others so that then they can be liberated from them, too. And, yeah, I would love to share these books with you all. And I’ve also got a podcast myself, the business Empress podcast, so everybody can stay in touch there, too.
Kristin Taylor 52:09
That is wonderful. I think so many people would love to be the recipient of your books. In your interview with Adam on the change. Adam Baruh. You talk about sort of the spiritual path in relationship to profitability. And I was really moved by that because I feel like that is something that I’m still working through. Can you speak to that?
Samantha J 52:33
Absolutely. One of the biggest things that’s holding entrepreneurs back that want to make a big difference is we’ve often got this huge heart and this huge care. And we’ve been through conditioning or spiritual dogma taught, money is bad, or money is evil, or we can’t, you know, make a difference and also care about money, what you want to do is you want to start to see money as just a byproduct of how much value you want to give out into the world. And when you start seeing money as a byproduct of how much value you want to give out into the world, you start realizing I matter I am important, and that I can’t keep trading time for money. Because ultimately, there’s going to come a time where I’ve only got so much limited time and then I can’t create more impact. So if I stop trading time for money, and instead, trade money for value, then there’s unlimited amount of value I can give the world and impact I can create. And it’s that change of thinking at the start, which will help you to bring purpose and profit together where you start seeing your products and your offers. And making sure that like, you know the purpose and the profitability that you’re charging yourself a wage and that if like depending on what stage you’re at. And the third thing is you’ll actually create more sustainable and scalable offers where it’s not about charging time for money. It’s about creating methods and processes which are sustainable and scalable, which are not linked to your time that deliver the most amount of value that unlimited amount of people can get into. And it’s it’s a game changer. I actually talk about this and I have all tools for this and my best selling book, build your empire from the inside out chapter one, where you can read all about that too.
Kristin Taylor 54:16
Wonderful, wonderful. It has been such a true honor. It’s amazing. Because no one is going to be able to see this. This is just audio. You are You sound like a woman who has many years under her belt, this wisdom, this wisdom, this old soul wisdom. You’re quite a young woman. With this wisdom are there any final words you feel like you have not given voice to that you want to leave our readers with and you don’t have to but I just want to give one more moment of anything else that you’d like people to walk away with.
Samantha J 54:49
I would say Stop waiting for permission and back yourself. Stop waiting to be chosen and choose yourself. You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
Kristin Taylor 54:59
That I love it. I love it. You are the one you’ve been waiting for. I love it. Thank you so much, Samantha.
Samantha J 55:05
Thank you, Kristin.
Kristin Taylor 55:08
I hope that in listening to Samantha, you are inspired to allow the voice inside of you to be louder than the external voices that tell us who we should be. In order to be worthy, lovable, to matter, or even what your path should look like. I encourage you to carve out more time in your life to pay attention differently, to practice silence, meditation, and a heightened awareness because in my own experience, in doing so, you two will receive guidance in the form of breadcrumbs, calling you for to discover who you are the most essential you as Samantha said so beautifully. Courage means belonging so deeply to ourselves, that we can be the example of the world we wish existed. To learn more about Samantha J. Please visit her website at iamsamanthaj.com. or head over to her podcast, The Business Empress podcast with Samantha J. You can also follow her on Instagram at i.am.samantha.j or find her on Facebook. The links are included in the notes for today’s show. Our theme song and sound engineering was provided by Shane Suffriti. You can listen to more of Shane’s music at www.shanesuffriti.com. If you have a story about making it through something that forever changed you or want to tell us what you think about our podcast, send me an email at coachkristintaylor@gmail.com. If you enjoyed today’s episode, we humbly ask that you share it with others. Thank you for listening. We’ll see you next time on How I Made It
EIQ Media, LLC 57:03
How I Made It Through is produced and distributed by EIQ Media LLC. Elevate your emotional IQ with podcasts and content focused on overcoming adversity, leadership, mental health, entrepreneurship, spiritually transformative experiences and more.
